Why is ok to treat adults on the spectrum badly but then get upset when someone does it to a child?

I have a very important question. People ask for others to be patient, understanding, and to not judge their child on the spectrum. Kids that are getting therapy, have support from their parents and IEP`s to help them through school. Parents that battle for them etc.

But what about those of us that have had none of the therapies, struggled through life not understanding why things were/are so hard. The frustration, hurt and the bullying always there. Then getting the diagnosis of ASD. Years later when it doesn’t do much to help other than now you know.

My question is this if you would not treat or want you’re child on the spectrum a certain way why would you treat an adult any different? We still struggle, we still need understanding and support…patience. We don’t need to be judged or bullied or any of that.

One day your kids will grow up and it is safe to say that if anyone mistreated them you as a parent would be there for them and you would be very vocal about how adults the spectrum need support, acceptance, understanding, patience and not be mistreated.

At least they will have had years of therapy most adults on the spectrum now have not so it’s a 100x harder for us err times. If you really are a true voice for equality and those with special needs then don’t treat anyone off any age badly that is struggling. Adults on the spectrum get treated a lot worse in society than anyone knows. We are expected to not struggle, not meltdown, not have any issues. We trust other adults and think it’s safe within our ever expanding Autism community. But that’s where we get left behind and forgotten about most.

Please treat us with kindness and compassion….understanding and acceptance…

Be kind to others…just because you can’t see their struggles doesn’t mean they are not there.

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Why does this keep happening?

Today I just wanted to explain things to a group of people I trusted.  Other Autism Mom’s…should be a safe place right – they should get the struggles of an Aspie or anyone on the spectrum.  I mean hey they do know their kids are going to grow up and face a lot of these struggles to right.  Ok well not so right.  Somehow my words got all twisted up and soon I was again thrown into a situation I didn’t ask for.  It seems instead of coming to me directly to ask me anything people would rather poke the bear so to speak publicly and watch me unravel like it’s a sport.

When I start to unravel it’s hard to get control back…I feel so much hurt and frustration.  Words just don’t come out right, and soon it’s like a soap opera because people keep fueling the fire.  And with my impulsiveness with my ADHD I take the bait.  I have a hard time not standing up for myself – I mean geez I am not just going to roll over and play dead.

It’s overwhelming when so many and so much is coming from all different directions.  It’s the way people cannot tolerate an adult on the spectrum having troubles and struggling with their words/thoughts but if someone did or said what they do to their child – you know what would hit the fan.  People need to stop and think before they assume and type.  It’s not hard to message someone privately and say hey what is up?  Not sure what you meant or what is going on so I wanted to ask you first.

People said it was cool to be myself out here, in that group, with those people.  That we would work together and do cool things.  It’s not so cool though when you can’t even explain something without it going all to hell.  Why does it always have to result in assumptions, or people egging others on watching their ultimate demise?  I am a person not a pet project to bring down.  Right now inside I am hurt, frustrated, sad and disappointed.  I cannot seem to fit in anywhere because somehow every single time people take my words and turn them into some kind of drama filled thing and then everyone jumps on me about it.  I know I am only responsible for what I post/say not what others understand.  Doesn’t make this any better what so ever.

They want others to be compassionate, understanding, patient, tolerant and supportive – well hey if you want it you need to practice it to.  I felt bullied into a situation I didn’t ask to be in once again.  Backed into a corner so to speak.

I just need to steer clear of what everyone?  For what – ever?  I have never called anyone out on this page, I have never PM’d anyone being mean or rude or hurtful…I have tried so so hard to be as nice and tactful as I could be.  How on earth do I get through this?  How can I prevent things from being taken out of context all the time?  Is no one used to people just saying how it is and not meaning anything else by it?

People have lost their way out here – less double standards more advocating please

This being an Aspie stuff is hard. I never understood it as a kid (didn’t know I was until last year) but it explains my trusting nature and my being used and even abused by “friends”. It explains my anxiety and struggles with relationships and academics. I am so lost out here on the spectrum sometimes I don’t know what is left or right.

I thought being apart of this “community” with other ASD parents and others on the spectrum was awesome, people seemed genuine and pretty cool. I thought I had found a place where I “fit in” while standing out. But that doesn’t seem so, it seems way to many of us get in over our heads because we felt safe and ok within this community. But that isn’t the case.

If you are going to treat other people poorly because of some notion you made up in your head about them and that it is justified – you cannot call yourself an advocate or an activist for your child. I am sorry but that is total bs. A true advocate is not someone that thinks it is ok to treat one or two or ten people poorly because in your mind you feel justified and then turn around and claim you are out here for acceptance for all and equality. Others on the spectrum do NOT treat others like garbage and we are supposed to stick together.

I don’t want to belong in a community where there are more double standards than the government has, where it is ok to treat others like dirt on the bottom of a shoe because you think someone is being unfair or mean to you etc. We are ADULTS act like it and not like you are still in HS. Talk to the person you feel is in the wrong, work it out like an adult don’t air your unfounded accusations all over the internet without proof. Stop treating those of us that are on the spectrum like we don’t matter just the kids – we were once kids to and there was no one to speak up for us – so we are doing it now.

I am revoking myself from this community…I am tired of being treated like I don’t matter, like my story and my side to things is not worth anyone’s time. I feel sorry for the kids in those families – the whole do as I say not as I do mentality. You want your kids to be accepted – then you need to accept others, you want them to be treated fairly – then treat others fairly…you don’t want double standards then don’t practice double standards.

I am ashamed of being apart of something that has gotten so far off of advocating for the kids and others on the spectrum that it is more about whom has more likes, whom has more admin friends, whom can create the best Meme, whom is friends with whom. Folks far to many of you have gotten so far from the purpose of things that I can’t even see you anymore and until you see and realize that popularity, cliques, and the rest of the stupid BS is NOT what is important and that advocating and supporting each other and showing kindness, compassion and showing the world what an awesome bunch of people we are is important, than I am afraid I don’t want to be here.

You want the world to know how great we are as parents fighting for our kids, supporting each other and working together – but that just isn’t happening in so many ways…if one is not apart of the “cool group” one does not count. This has got to stop folks, otherwise the world is going to see a bunch of people that are really just fake and phoney. I for one do not want to be apart of that because my cause’s are just and they are important to me and I feel if I were to not be apart of the fakeness I would be better off.

Time to stop playing mind games, acting like we are in HS and to put aside differences and stop picking sides…we are supposed to be on the same side…but right now so many people are seeing a group of people that is more worried about being petty and making things up to gain more friends and make someone else look bad – honestly cut it out…act more mature and get back to what is important. Otherwise this community is going to fall apart and be divided – those that do care and want to fight and those that are to busy worried about popularity and other HS nonsense. I for one am better off advocating on my own or with a select few dedicated to the causes I hold near and dear to me than I am with the masses…what a sad conclusion to come to It hurts my heart to realize it but it’s time I stopped worrying about the masses and what they are doing and time to put my efforts into my causes and page and those that care about us and our plight. Let me know when the rest of you want to stop acting so ridiculous and actually do some good for all and not just those you deem worthy of your time. We are all worthy of a voice out here – don’t try to squash it – because I am not going away…not even if everyone unlikes this page – I will fight for myself and my kids until my very last breath…and teach them how to fight for themselves and what they need…NEGU.

The human connection – why is it so hard for people to be genuine

In life there are many things I will never understand, one of them is people, more specifically their behaviors.  How can people treat each other with such disregard all the time, like last weeks trash?  What does it accomplish for either party?

When you put yourself out there and have someone’s back and then they cut you down, lie, and make you some scape goat for their own issues and short comings you sort of feel a twinge of hurt and shock.  You know there is so much more to the story but they are not allowing yours to be told…so what do you do, do you just walk away, do you sit and mull it over and try to move on, or do you try to get your side heard?

What would you do if you were sitting on information that you felt was important to both sides and could clear things up but you cannot call people out because it isn’t in your nature and one person that could clear things up for you clearly isn’t going to budge.

Being stuck between that rock and a hard place is not a place I like to be at all, nor do I enjoy being the scape goat and expendable by someone just because they are moody and upset at other things.  I surely don’t like it when my personal status’ on my personal and public pages are used in a malicious way to make me the fall guy for something that doesn’t even pertain to me or to that other person.  Trust is earned, respect is gained and when you break either of those once you are going to be damn lucky if I talk to you again, do it twice well that one is on me.

No one has the right to play a victim of someone else’s words IF they were NEVER about them, that right there is being a victim of your own misery and unhappiness and looking for someone else to pawn the guilt and unhappiness of your own circumstances off on.  Does that really make a good person, probably not.  True colors always shine through in a time of difficulty and this person’s colors are not very nice.

Do not pawn your emotional baggage off on anyone around you, YOU alone need to come to terms with your OWN feelings and baggage.  Do bit go around looking for good people that are trusting and pawn it off on them at the first chance you get.  Word gets around and sooner or later people will see what you are doing and you wont have anyone left in your corner when you need them.

While most people learn this from an early age it does appear far to many adults still are playing these mind games and a victim.  There are no victims in this situation, yes I know shocking BUT let me explain.  The one person created their own storm and didn’t like the outcome, made assumptions about something they had NO first hand knowledge about, and has a thing for playing the whoa is me card a lot.  The other person let this person hurt them twice, the first time they should have walked away and been done with it – but others convinced them to give it another shot.  So the second time around – that one is on them.

But what it comes down to is why…why do people play these games and why are so many buying into it with no solid proof of anything?  Why do people not say “hey it would be great if you could back your story up and give us some proof of wrong doing before we all grab our torches and pitchforks and go on a hunt”  It’s the blind leading the blind I say, but again why?  Why do we not have enough nerve to stand up and say hey – I will not buy into this unless you got good soiled evidence that this is necessary or that it is about you, or that you need this?  In the age of technology people can be so deceiving, and manipulative.  What is even sadder is people on FB will launch a full scale attack on someone without even putting any thought into it or hearing anyone else’s side of the story.  What is wrong with people?

People will rate you, shake you and try to break you over what?  One person’s word maybe two – no proof, no speaking to the other person(s) – just full steam ahead.  I guess some people are just good at being manipulative and others are good at being manipulated.  But what does that do to the person(s) you are on a hunt for…causes them undo stress, it can lead to emotional break downs, it can lead to so many things including someone taking their own life.  Before you assume anything, ask questions, talk to both parties and make your own informed decision.  Do not be a sheep…do not just follow the lead of one person because you “feel bad” for them, what if this person is wrong and lying…how would you feel then?  Duped, hurt that someone could lie to you that you trusted for their own personal gain, angry, maybe even a bit guilty for not getting all the facts first?  I bet that would weigh on your mind for some time.  What if your actions and this other person’s caused someone to take their life and even IF they did something wrong but not in the way that this other person says – no one should suffer so much hate and anger that they feel the only way out is suicide.  Words hurt to, they have consequences just like actions do.  Words hurt for life, scars that no one can see, pain that no one see’s…chose wisely what you say and do because once said/done they cannot be undone.

The human connection is hard to understand, how people can treat each other with such disregard and like they don’t matter.  How people who genuinely try to be nice to everyone and has never done anyone wrong can end up between that rock and hard place over and over.  As an Aspie it’s sort of our thing – we tend to be in these situations a lot more than regular people I find.  We have a hard time figuring out what people want from us so we are more susceptible to being in a situation where we get taken advantage of. For myself I am now way more cautious of things and whom I say much to.  I am tired of being the one that gets blamed and walked all over and used as a door mat and a scape goat.  News flash folks I AM A PERSON TO.

Today I have put my foot down and I am tired of dealing with it all.  If people want to be my friend there is a process now – because I am tired of fake people in my life.  You have to earn things in life and my friendship is going to be hard to fully earn…and it is going to take awhile.

Treat others how you expect to be treated, do wrong to no one that has done no wrong to you, and do not make up things or assume things because it will come out, the truth.  Once it does then what?  Do unto others as you would have done unto you…

Mighty League Mom’s – we review products!

We Review Products!

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The Mighty League Moms are mighty strong when it comes to finding and recommending products and services for our special needs children. We’re a global group—from the west to the east coast in the USA, Canada, England, ScotlandBelgium and Australia and our communities/followers on Facebook number over 55,000 LIKES and growing because our followers are actively engaged on our pages. And our messages are amplified through our collaborative support and cross sharing of our original content.  A dozen of us write our own blogs, several of us speak live, and are active voices on other social media platforms such as Twitter and Pinterest.

Collectively, we have children who range in age from 18 months to 3o years and our ausome ones have such diagnoses as ASD, Asperger’s Syndrome,  Dyspraxia, Epilepsy, ADD, SPD, ADHD, PDD-NOS, ODD, anxiety, food allergies, speech challenges or nonverbal, dysgraphia, Auditory Processing Disorder, Expressive Receptive Language Disorder, and diabetes.

These diagnoses do not define our children but we list them here for those companies, developers and authors interested in having our special needs families test and review their products, apps and books. We do not accept compensation for our reviews but you will need to send your items directly to the Mighty League Moms who fit your target market and agree to receive, test and do an honest review. We only recommend products or services we personally use and believe will be good for our communities.

Please email Jodi at info [at] geekclubbooks [dot] com with your review request.  Due to the number of e-mails we receive, please be patient for a reply and understand if we are unable to fulfill every request.

Mighty League Autism Mom’s

Mighty League Moms

Many Voices, One Heart

Mighty League Moms Manifesto

Our individual voices are strong, but we’re coming together collectively so our message of autism love advocacy rises! We’re the Mighty League Moms, women dedicated to changing the public’s perceptions by showing the positive side of autistic individuals. We’re a global group—from the west to the east coast in the USA, Canada, England, Scotland, Belgium and Australia–and we have many perspectives and experiences to share, but one heart when it comes to our feelings and commitment to those we love on the autism spectrum.

We have children who range in age from 18 months to 3o years and our ausome ones have such diagnoses as ASD, Asperger’s Syndrome, Dyspraxia, Epilepsy, ADD, SPD, ADHD, PDD-NOS, ODD, anxiety, food allergies, speech challenges or nonverbal, dysgraphia, Auditory Processing Disorder, Expressive Receptive Language Disorder, and diabetes.

These diagnoses do not define our children. And you cannot fit them neatly into a box–each is a wonderfully unique, complicated, and valuable human being with talents and abilities to share with the world…if the world will only let them.

So we’re going to speak up for autism. We’re going to speak out our love. We’re going to speak for understanding. We’re going to share our stories. Offer support. Be inspiring. Leave you with hope and optimism.  We are many voices, one heart…determined to create a new world that accepts all autistic individuals and values their contributions.

My Contribution to the project so far:

Karen McAuley, More Than Just a Diagnosis – Our Journey
Calgary, Alberta, Canada

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TO MY CHILDREN: NEGU (Never Ever Give Up): Never give up hope; never give up on yourself, your future, or your dreams. Never ever give up the good fight—and remember never be afraid to roll up your sleeves and put in that extra effort where it’s needed when it’s needed. It matters that you don’t just give up when things are tough. You got this! 

#NEGU #Autism #MightyLeagueMoms #GeekClubBooks #Facebook #MoreThanJustADiagnosis

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Navigating the spectrum

It’s not easy having any sort of issues to deal with, medical, mental etc.  It is a big spectrum and there are A LOT of people along it and in the thick of it.  I don’t think there is a way that you can incorporate an entire spectrum into one group.  We don’t want to be all lumped together, not that I personally have any issues with anyone that is above or below anyone else on the spectrum.  We are all unique individuals and we all have different challenges/strengths etc.  Some of us share some of the same struggles and strengths but that is about where it stops.

It’s hard out here on the spectrum, striving for acceptance, awareness and support.  It’s even harder when parents of kids on the spectrum go after adults on it and attack them and berate them and then turn around and expect that they get total acceptance for their child and no one better treat their child that way.  Double standards seem to be the norm out here in the community – the do as I say not as I do mentality that people seem to have adopted.

I personally would rather not have to deal with the drama, people who cause it often make me really angry and I get really defensive because I get tired of people attacking each other.  As a community we should be striving for acceptance for ALL – not just kids.  Kids grow up to be adults and those adults need acceptance just as much as the kids to.  Try landing a job when people see Autism as a negative – not so easy.  Try navigating a world where as an adult on the spectrum people don’t think you need support or acceptance and you should have “out grown” all those issues you had as a kid.

Navigating a spectrum is like navigating an ocean – it’s big and vast and you can easily lose your way out here.  No one wants to be lost, or overwhelmed out here but it happens and it would be awesome if people were more supportive and accepting of each other.  Instead more often than not Adults on the spectrum find themselves in drama filled situations where they just feel really upset and like they have no support.

People forget that if we cannot get acceptance for all those on the spectrum within our community and others outside of it are witnessing it – how do they ever expect the general population to get on board with supporting us and our kids and the adults?  We first must learn to accept each other and then we can begin to make headway on the rest of society.  Change and acceptance start from within – and once we have that – we can branch out.

One thing to know is that those that are willing to learn and accept us are going to be the best allies but we cannot force people to accept and understand – those people will never change their point of view – it is best to work on those that are willing to learn and accept to help us become a bigger movement.  But drama and attacking others on the spectrum is never going to get us there…that has to stop.

Sometimes all we need is a little understanding….

Ok so I guess I need to try and explain things…as an Aspie I struggle with a lot of things. My emotions for one – to extreme, not enough emotion, I cry at “stupid” stuff, I don’t cry at other things, I say the wrong thing at the wrong time so the next time I just say nothing and that doesn’t fly either.

When someone dies I have a hard time figuring out what to say – it’s not that I don’t care but everything seems kind of phoney or awkward – words kind of elude me.

Growing up I would get attached to people – friends/crushes etc and I really did things that seemed wild or crazy…but I didn’t know how else to go about things. I would get upset if I wasn’t included in something, I would get upset if I was sometimes because I would get overwhelmed with things and just fly off the handle. My emotions sort of were all over and top that with ADHD and it’s a recipe for disaster.

Did I enjoy the emotional roller coaster or being “that girl” that was strange and was a basket case so to speak…hell no. Did I understand it – no. Did it get passed off as typical teenage girl stuff – yup…but when it carried over into my 20’s and now 30’s you kind of see that it started wayyyyy back before I was in HS. If I didn’t get my work in Elementary school I would sit and clean my desk and organize it, I would get restless and irritable. I would cry and finally put my head down on my desk and try to regroup. I got held back because “I didn’t seem to get the material and had emotional problems and lack of focus” imagine at the end of the year sitting at your teachers desk, lights are off and the natural daylight is shining in…rest of the class is gone but you were asked to stay behind. I was all of 8yrs old and my teacher sat me down and told me that herself, my parents and the principal thought it would be best if I repeated Grade 2. Yup I remember it like it was yesterday…and I am almost 35.

As if I didn’t have enough issues then but it only got worse. By Grade 6 I spent every day in the Principals office because I just couldn’t handle my class or the work – juggling them at the same time was hard. He was a mean teacher that would smack the yard stick on my desk constantly because I was “not paying attention”…I disliked him more than anything.

So things don’t just come easy for me…I process things differently, I can get upset at things that others might shrug off and not upset at things others would be mortified over. I have worked hard at learning to read through the fluff and figure things out, I have learned to understand body language and read people’s faces. I don’t always get it right but I sure have learned to blend in as best I could but those that know me best know my struggles and have seen them. I tend to take things a lot harder than most when things are tough…it’s hard to process and deal with so I just try my best to put on a brave front and roll with it even though deep down I am falling apart.

So try to be understanding – if I am having a hard time – I am much like the kids – it means I am REALLY having a hard time and it would be cool to get support and understanding just like you would want for your kids…these emotional things don’t just go away with lots of therapy etc…this is something that as an Aspie we will struggle with our whole lives…not constantly but we will hit walls where we have to confront it and deal with it and it will be rough…so try to see it as if I hit a wall – it means I have been bottling things up and not saying anything and it’s starting to really upset me…and I could use some understanding while I work through it…