Ok so I guess I need to try and explain things…as an Aspie I struggle with a lot of things. My emotions for one – to extreme, not enough emotion, I cry at “stupid” stuff, I don’t cry at other things, I say the wrong thing at the wrong time so the next time I just say nothing and that doesn’t fly either.
When someone dies I have a hard time figuring out what to say – it’s not that I don’t care but everything seems kind of phoney or awkward – words kind of elude me.
Growing up I would get attached to people – friends/crushes etc and I really did things that seemed wild or crazy…but I didn’t know how else to go about things. I would get upset if I wasn’t included in something, I would get upset if I was sometimes because I would get overwhelmed with things and just fly off the handle. My emotions sort of were all over and top that with ADHD and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Did I enjoy the emotional roller coaster or being “that girl” that was strange and was a basket case so to speak…hell no. Did I understand it – no. Did it get passed off as typical teenage girl stuff – yup…but when it carried over into my 20’s and now 30’s you kind of see that it started wayyyyy back before I was in HS. If I didn’t get my work in Elementary school I would sit and clean my desk and organize it, I would get restless and irritable. I would cry and finally put my head down on my desk and try to regroup. I got held back because “I didn’t seem to get the material and had emotional problems and lack of focus” imagine at the end of the year sitting at your teachers desk, lights are off and the natural daylight is shining in…rest of the class is gone but you were asked to stay behind. I was all of 8yrs old and my teacher sat me down and told me that herself, my parents and the principal thought it would be best if I repeated Grade 2. Yup I remember it like it was yesterday…and I am almost 35.
As if I didn’t have enough issues then but it only got worse. By Grade 6 I spent every day in the Principals office because I just couldn’t handle my class or the work – juggling them at the same time was hard. He was a mean teacher that would smack the yard stick on my desk constantly because I was “not paying attention”…I disliked him more than anything.
So things don’t just come easy for me…I process things differently, I can get upset at things that others might shrug off and not upset at things others would be mortified over. I have worked hard at learning to read through the fluff and figure things out, I have learned to understand body language and read people’s faces. I don’t always get it right but I sure have learned to blend in as best I could but those that know me best know my struggles and have seen them. I tend to take things a lot harder than most when things are tough…it’s hard to process and deal with so I just try my best to put on a brave front and roll with it even though deep down I am falling apart.
So try to be understanding – if I am having a hard time – I am much like the kids – it means I am REALLY having a hard time and it would be cool to get support and understanding just like you would want for your kids…these emotional things don’t just go away with lots of therapy etc…this is something that as an Aspie we will struggle with our whole lives…not constantly but we will hit walls where we have to confront it and deal with it and it will be rough…so try to see it as if I hit a wall – it means I have been bottling things up and not saying anything and it’s starting to really upset me…and I could use some understanding while I work through it…