Today I just wanted to explain things to a group of people I trusted. Other Autism Mom’s…should be a safe place right – they should get the struggles of an Aspie or anyone on the spectrum. I mean hey they do know their kids are going to grow up and face a lot of these struggles to right. Ok well not so right. Somehow my words got all twisted up and soon I was again thrown into a situation I didn’t ask for. It seems instead of coming to me directly to ask me anything people would rather poke the bear so to speak publicly and watch me unravel like it’s a sport.
When I start to unravel it’s hard to get control back…I feel so much hurt and frustration. Words just don’t come out right, and soon it’s like a soap opera because people keep fueling the fire. And with my impulsiveness with my ADHD I take the bait. I have a hard time not standing up for myself – I mean geez I am not just going to roll over and play dead.
It’s overwhelming when so many and so much is coming from all different directions. It’s the way people cannot tolerate an adult on the spectrum having troubles and struggling with their words/thoughts but if someone did or said what they do to their child – you know what would hit the fan. People need to stop and think before they assume and type. It’s not hard to message someone privately and say hey what is up? Not sure what you meant or what is going on so I wanted to ask you first.
People said it was cool to be myself out here, in that group, with those people. That we would work together and do cool things. It’s not so cool though when you can’t even explain something without it going all to hell. Why does it always have to result in assumptions, or people egging others on watching their ultimate demise? I am a person not a pet project to bring down. Right now inside I am hurt, frustrated, sad and disappointed. I cannot seem to fit in anywhere because somehow every single time people take my words and turn them into some kind of drama filled thing and then everyone jumps on me about it. I know I am only responsible for what I post/say not what others understand. Doesn’t make this any better what so ever.
They want others to be compassionate, understanding, patient, tolerant and supportive – well hey if you want it you need to practice it to. I felt bullied into a situation I didn’t ask to be in once again. Backed into a corner so to speak.
I just need to steer clear of what everyone? For what – ever? I have never called anyone out on this page, I have never PM’d anyone being mean or rude or hurtful…I have tried so so hard to be as nice and tactful as I could be. How on earth do I get through this? How can I prevent things from being taken out of context all the time? Is no one used to people just saying how it is and not meaning anything else by it?