One thing I have learned over the years – the Aspie mind is like a minefield – you just never know what will set the brain into motion and cause hours if not days maybe weeks of worrying/stressing/feeling angry/hurt/frustrated. It could be something as simple as how someone looked at us or maybe it wasn’t even us but we thought it was. As you get older the things that can set this sort of thing in motion are a lot more entailed.
Often times we tend to push things to far and people to, we have a hard time stepping back and seeing the bigger picture and we don’t realize just how big of an impact our actions can have. Not all impacts are good let me tell you sometimes they can really come back to bite you in the butt and not in a nice way not that getting bit in the butt is nice. Sometimes we push and push until we push the very things/people we wanted to keep around away.
It’s not really cat and mouse it’s just we don’t know how to figure out the words to tell someone that you still want them around but right now it’s best if they are not because you are going through stuff and before you say something that you can’t take back it’s best that it’s left for now. Instead fueled by anger, hurt and frustration because we have a hard time processing the emotions fast enough we just let it ALL out – the good, the bad and the down right ugly. Filter goes out the window and often with it any shred of keeping things together.
When all is said and done and we step back and have time to process what happened – we often feel remorse, we feel hurt because we hurt someone else and sadness because we can’t fix it. It’s hard to know what to do sometimes, we struggle to do what is expected but because we push ourselves so much to do what others want out of us we often snap, and when we snap we go all out. Some meltdown, some withdraw, some regress.
All you can do is be there, be supportive and be understanding or try to be. Don’t push us, try to understand that we are not like others that are not on the spectrum – we handle life and it’s situations differently and even as an adult we still struggle with these things. There is no magic age that suddenly all these things are no longer a problem it will always be a problem it just varies on how big of one.
Don’t shame us, just step back and give us some space to deal with our feelings – let our brains process what is going on and how we feel about it. Check in on us – make sure we are ok if we are doing better with things – then discuss it with us – help us see what was going on – make sure we at least understand how it made you feel when we were like that but try to be kind about it – we can be really sensitive to things and likely would just feel worse about what happened. Sometimes the best thing to do is find someone that gets it and that will be that ear that you need to talk to so you can work through the emotions and not feel like no one gets it.
Our minds are like minefields and there is no filter…it’s “balls to the wall” kind of thing. We are full on all the time – our minds don’t take a brake and sometimes it’s overwhelming to us so we need time to decompress and process things. When we are ready we will come to everyone and maybe want to talk about it maybe not…sometimes we are just done with things – most times – we don’t want to keep going over it we already beat ourselves up enough over it we don’t need to rehash it again. We try so hard sometimes to do what everyone wants – but it’s so tiring trying to pretend all the time so try and be understanding to some degree or another.